stay fresh

dutchster:

when people start clapping at the end of a movie

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babycakesforboobear:

leedstentlovers:

unconventionalkitchenslave:

What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?

where you put the cucumber

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roughness:

tune in tonight for another episode of “is he cute or just tall? am I lowering my standards out of desperation? am I doomed to roam the earth as a lonely, unloved wretch for eternity? would I fuck a 30 year old? would I fuck a broke 30 year old?”

unclefather:

i love that kids don’t understand the concept of money. i heard a kid at walmart today grab a bag of beef jerky and say “i’m just going to have this” and when his mom said “you can’t just take that” he said “who is going to stop me” 

bombing:

the ideal date is coming over to my house and staring at my wolf figurines in complete silence. if you touch any of them the date is over

kaliforhnia:

Idk why I keep getting sad over people that don’t give a shit about me.

Pregnant woman: oh my god he's kicking!!
Me: *punches her in the stomach* you think it's fucking cool to hit girls you little bitch??

meretriciousfaggot:

at my funeral, don’t throw flowers. throw my selfies